I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
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I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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