it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
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If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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