Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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