I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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