I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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