Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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