woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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