I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize