You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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