I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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