; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
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Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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