Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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