he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
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Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
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By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize