he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
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But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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