did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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