You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize