True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
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Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
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What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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