My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
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it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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