I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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