i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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