I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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