I heard we made out
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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