who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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