I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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