Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize