So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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