she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
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Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
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I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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