i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
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