I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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