Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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