yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's official drugs can't kill me
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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