I wish I could punch you in the face.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dignity is for republicans.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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