I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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