There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
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You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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