2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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