Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
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she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
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playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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