you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize