The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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