does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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