Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
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