its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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