when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize