i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize