Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize