Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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