what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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