i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
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I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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