I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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