When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
