Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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