The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
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dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
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he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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